A young man holding a transgender pride flag.
By Ted Halley
One night when my parents were away, I was strangely attracted to my mother’s clothes, this had never happened before. Because this was the 60’s I dared not talk to even my parents about this. I was very confused as to why I felt this way.
I was raised in a traditional Christian family that went to church every Sunday in the 60s and 70s. My parents were married, and life was very normal in every way. I had an older brother and a younger sister; we never experienced any abuse.
These feelings came and went through puberty. I remember when I was 14, praying for God to make me a girl. I struggled with this on and off, along with cross dressing during my twenties. I prayed for God to take this away as it created very extreme shame, confusion and guilt. I wanted to be free, but at times I felt like the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15-17. The struggle at times was overwhelming.
I had been married for about 13 years & the struggles subsided during most of my marriage. After a divorce and a few failed adult dating relationships, the desire to cross-dress became overbearing once again. I was attending church & asking for God to take this away, but it continued to grow.
Halloween of 2009 was my first time to go out in public to a gay club, it was very exhilarating. At this time, I had made an agreement with the enemy to see where this would end. Looking back, it is never good to agree with sin & the enemy. Once a month on weekends I’d go to Atlanta, GA to join a heterosexual cross-dressing group called “Sig Ep”, as I did not go out in public locally due to shame.
In 2009 I began counselling to better understand the issues. Unfortunately, it was one-sided gender affirming. Also, I began cross-sex hormones and electrolysis to remove my facial hair. December of 2009 was my first Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) followed by a second in July of 2010. This was to make my face look more feminine.
Voice lessons to feminize my voice were done bi-weekly. December 2011, I had Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS) to have a feminine appearance in the “bottom area”. I legally changed my name on all IDs, accounts, and passport.
At work I transitioned in 2012.
Later that same year I had my final surgery, a Breast Augmentation. I was very happy with my “new” life for a while.
I found a local gay friendly church and attended there regularly and was affirmed and accepted. For 3 years I was a church Elder. Life was “good”, and I had come to the place where I believe my conscience was seared (I Timothy 4:2). I was at “peace” with myself and enjoyed life, had a few friends and travelled with them several times a year. I also became a mentor to several others helping them to “transition”.
My family and father told me they did not support my transitioning, but always told me they loved me. I was not invited to many family holiday gatherings. I bought the “lie” hook, line and sinker. I was on the shelf for God and in the enemy’s camp, I had no idea of my sinful bondage. Sin had me its slave as in Romans 6:19-20, I was totally blind to this.
After 9 years of living this way, I began to have seasons of darkness and depression. I had no idea at the time that this was the Holy Spirit beginning to call me back home. For the first time I began to think maybe I had made a BIG mistake, but there was no way back I thought. The Devil is a liar and wanted to keep me bound up in sin per John 8:44. I had arrived at the dark night of the soul, I could not go on and was seriously considering all options.
Sunday March 21, 2021, was a day I will never forget, as my life changed forever.
I had gone to visit my sister in east Alabama. We sat on her back porch, and I began to pour out my heart, that I could not go on living with this terrible dissonance of who I was born (male) and who I was “pretending” to be (female).
My sister asked if she could anoint my forehead with oil and pray for me. I agreed and she jokingly said, “hold on something big is about to happen”. We both laughed and she prayed for my deliverance from the perversion of transgenderism and depression.
I left to go home and took a detour to see a recently completed recreation facility. Looking back this detour probably saved my life. I was viewing the complex and began to sob uncontrollably, so I stopped as I was driving very slowly. Next it felt like I was a tube of toothpaste, like some invisible force was squeezing my torso as if I were about to strongly dry-heave, as well as being choked, and unable to breathe for about 15-20 seconds.
This same event was repeated a second time. After this I prayed asking God “what was happening and was it going to happen again”. In my mind I heard “seven times” and “these were demons leaving”. It happened just as I heard.
I called my sister to pray, and she and her husband heard as one of these events occurred. I started to sob a few more times, but God had delivered me. I felt like a blind man seeing for the first time. Finally, I saw clearly all I had done was sinful rebellion & deception.
Since my deliverance was from demons, I cannot say that that is the source of all propensity to transgenderism. Some are simply delusions from false information or social pressure or believing a falsehood of who God made us. Whatever the source, the cure is the same: repentance and rejection of the sinful lifestyle, believing God’s truth and humbly allowing the Holy Spirit to heal the soul.
There was a total repentance and surrender to Jesus. Today, I live to speak truth to stop this lie from being propagated as it is in our world today. God was merciful and brought me back home just like He did the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32.